Frankenstein Created Bikers (2016)

Frankenstein Created Bikers is bloody awesome.

Sorry I didn’t do my usual “ease into it” pre-amble but sometimes it’s best to go balls deep from the get-go.

Indeed going balls deep from the get-go is what writer, director James Bickert does. Within five minutes we are up to our eyeballs in bouncing boobs, brash biker bitches, and bloody bigfoot beatings. Things start weird and simply get weirder. Plot paragraph …

Okay, follow me here, there’s some fun-lovin’ teens skinny dipping in a lake. They get attacked by Bigfoot who pretty much rips everyone apart before your eyes, just before a biker gang called The Impalers appear and capture the hairy beast. They drag Bigfoot off to Dr. Marco so he can perform fiendish experiments aided by his sidekick Klaus (what, you were expecting a sidekick called Alphonse?). The Impalers have to help Dr. Marco so he will give them the drug they need to stay, er, alive, dead, or both as they are kinda like zombie bikers! Then there’s female killing machine Val looking to reign hellfire on The Impalers! Then there’s a collection of assorted hired killers! Then there’s semi-naked Cat Girls, the rival biker gang, the dumb cops, and random acts of gloriously senseless violence. Got it? Good.

If you’re making a face reading “balls deep, bouncing boobs, brash biker bitches, and bloody Bigfoot beatings” you should grab your coat and don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out. Frankenstein Created Bikers is not for you.

If you are intrigued by my little bouncing ‘b’ wonder of childish alliteration then you are in for a treat … well, maybe.

Frankenstein Created Bikers is gloriously over the top deviancy that harks back to the good old days of grindhouse, a gentler, more innocent time when – scratch that, wrong cliche – it harks back to the gore of Herschell Gordon Lewis, the hilarity of men in monster suits, and lewd delights of go-go dancers with machine guns!

Director Bickert does not let a single precious frame of celluloid (this was filmed on genuine 35 mm film stock) go to waste. Everywhere you look something dirty, dangerous, or distasteful is going on. I ain’t joking, this movie pushes some limits, but you’ll probably be laughing out loud at the time. Everything is thrown at the screen and occasionally picked up again and thrown once more for good measure.

This does not mean that Frankenstein Created Bikers is an incoherent mess or some kind of amateur hour. Everyone behind the camera clearly knows what they are doing. For his part Bickert has written a genuinely hilarious script filled with so many gems you’ll need to watch it multiple times to catch them all. Like some crazy, nekkid, unwashed, drug-addled Pokeman, you gotta catch ’em all!

The crazy-ass plot ties a number of different stories together well, if somewhat loosely here and there, and leads to a suitably OTT ending where the bad guys come to a good end and, er, so does pretty much everybody else.

In front of the camera Bickert has gathered a choice collection of genre friendly leads. Paul McComiskey plays Dr. Marco (Frankenstein) and who would not want to see Laurence R. Harvey playing “Klaus” his evil assistant?

If you’re looking for bold and beautiful women wreaking carnage in various states of undress there is the alluring Ellie Church, hellcat Tristan Risk, Madeline Brumby, Elizabeth Davidovich, Allison Maier, Diana Prince, and the Russ Meyer dream girl Gia Nova. Oh, let’s not forget the close to naked Cat Girls in tall red boots either!

Frankenstein Created Bikers began life as a Kickstarter project and while this may not add anything to your understanding of the narrative onscreen, it helps to understand where this came from and where it’s going. Frankenstein Created Bikers is made by fans of grindhouse for fans of grindhouse.

Grindhouse fans, like lovers of Jess Franco, Mario Bava, Lucio Fulci, Jean Rollin, Alejandro Jodorowsky and the leviathan that is Euro-horror, have a “just roll with it” attitude when it comes to plot holes, continuity, and the odd bit of bad acting. For us, I count myself among them, we are not expecting Ingmar Bergman and we sure as shit don’t want anything that smells of Big Studio Hollywood. We want free-flowing, go where the mood takes you, madness.

Ultimately this is what Frankenstein Created Bikers delivers. For me Frankenstein Created Bikers is a masterfully chaotic movie that truly is an instant cult classic.

Two word review: Balls deep.

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