Alien: Covenant (2017)

“Just when I thought I was out…they pull me back in.”

Full disclosure: I wasn’t planning on reviewing Alien: Covenant as I didn’t think such a huge horror juggernaut needed more noise. I’m also starting to focus more on the little fish that actually live or die based on word of mouth support rather than massive Wide release titles however, given all the haters taking a shit on the movie, I thought I’d give my two cents worth. Plot paragraph …

The story is set ten years after the events of Prometheus and some unknown number of years before the events in Alien. Aboard the colony ship Covenant a freak accident awakens the sleeping human crew to deal with a potentially disastrous situation. Although on a planned course to a supposedly idyllic planet the crew change course after receiving a tantalizingly bizarre signal from a nearby seemingly habitable planet. When they arrive, well, you can probably guess what they find or what finds them.

Let’s jump right in. I can clearly appreciate that lots of people have voiced lots of reasons to dislike Alien: Covenant but I feel that all of them stem from the fact that the people voicing their rabid disapproval are sitting way too close to the screen and really need to get some perspective.

Point #1 – Alien: Covenant is just a movie. Movies are mass entertainment that on rare occasions inform or educate but most times just blow a couple of hours for those fortunate enough to be able to afford the time and funds to view them. Get over yourselves.

Point #2 – If anyone has earned the right to go wherever he wants to with the stories, it’s Ridley Scott. It’s his baby, not yours. Get over yourselves.

Almost every bad review I read ended up saying somewhere that Alien Covenant wasn’t as ‘whatever’ as one of the other previous movies in the franchise. So? If I wanted to see Alien or Aliens I would have watched those instead.

Point #3 – Just because you don’t like a movie doesn’t make it a crap movie and hanging exclusively with all like-minded individuals in all the social media you want won’t change that. Get over yourselves (I sense a pattern here).

It’s like all the hater movie reviewers are fat spoiled teenagers who can’t believe they have to get off the sofa to get themselves a third tub of ice-cream just as their mother has walked in the room from the kitchen. “Why did Ridley do this to me? Doesn’t he understand how important this is to me? Why didn’t he give me what I wanted?”

Whatevs.

My review is short and sweet; Alien Covenant is a bloody violent, exciting, roller-coaster ride and a great way to blow a couple of hours.

Two word review: Bloody hell!

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